Pickles The Parrot Returns: My Continued Adventures with a Bird Brain by Abbott Georgi

Author:Abbott, Georgi
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: pets, funny, stories, humour, birds, parrot, pet care, african grey
Publisher: Georgi Abbott

Chapter 11

Look Who’s Talking

“I speak in 3 voices - mom's, dad's and my own. Nobody knows who's talking to whom around here from another room. Yet, everybody answers to everybody. One day, I'm gonna call out "Hey, wanna fool around?" and see if anybody heads toward the bedroom.”

“If you are arguing with your mommy & losing, get really loud & drown her out. If that doesn't work, call her names. If that doesn't work, turn tail & run - cuz you're probably gonna pay for that.”

“They say you shouldn't fight a battle if you don't have anything to gain by winning. Just winning a battle of any kind, is gain enough for me. It's a battle of brains & I like to prove my little walnut sized brain is better than any big human brain. I think the winner should be able to eat the loser's brain. With ketchup.”

“This morning, nobody was around so I called out "Anybody home?" And mommy answered, "Nobody home but us mice!" I was surprised that mice could talk but at least I had company. I went looking for said mice but got distracted by a pop can.”

“I think a really cool thing for me to learn to say would be "I buried the bodies in the back yard". Then, one day, somebody would overhear me & think I was copying something mom&dad said so they'd call the cops on mom&dad and they'd dig up the yard. Which would be great cuz then they'd find all my toys that Neeka the dog has stolen and buried out there and I could have them back.”

“Mom says I ask too many questions. What's that supposed to mean? What's too many? Five? 100? 1000? Don't you think she should've told me ahead of time so I don't use them all up? Oh crap - now I’m 6 questions closer to the limit.”

“I was thinking of becoming a mime but then I thought no, cuz I like to talk too much. Plus, I thought, what if I suddenly had a heart attack? People would just watch me & while I’m dying on the floor they'd go - man, he's good.”

“Mom was trying to talk to me and I didn't feel like talking so I said "No speaka English" and she said "Yes you do - that's ALL you speak!". I said "No comprendo", she said "Yes you do" so I said "Ich verstehe nicht" then she asked what I wanted for lunch and I said "Potato please". "AHA!" she said. Foiled again.”

”I've been learning religion from mommy. It's very interesting. For instance, I didn't know that God's last name is Dammit. I learn something every day with her.”

“My mom and I argue over such stupid things but we always make up. Later, I go up to her and say - I'm glad we made up mom, I'm glad that you realized what a stupid thing you said. I don't know why we end up arguing all over again. She just can't let go.

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